I treasure my wife and children as if they were my own. Which I’m not convinced they really are. I keep feeling like I’m going to wake up and find it was all some elaborate practical joke. Frankly, that’s easier to believe than the idea that I’ve have such a beautiful wife, much less that my genetic code could possibly have contributed to such an awesome pair of kids. But supposedly this is actually happening. Heh.
My Wife, Sarah
In 2005, the beautiful and talented Sarah Sikes allegedly became Sarah Sigler, and her fate was sealed.
The progeny of what might be two of the world’s most eclectic individuals, this hippie princess possessed the intellectual fortitude to stand toe-to-toe with a jaded nerd unfit for public consumption. Daily demonstrations of the unyielding love of God empowered her to civilize this uncouth cat through the guerrilla tactics common to feminine wiles.
In the summer of 1998, she played hard-to-get like a champ, masterfully wrapping a clingy twig of a teenage boy around her pinky with smooth likes like, “Fine! Fine! If it will get you to shut up, I’ll hold your hand!” Such a saucy minx.
Seven awkward years later, the alleged wedding happened, and I became either the luckiest man on the planet or the unluckiest mark ever.
“Sarah” (if that’s her real name) has played her role well. Too well, if you ask me. But now, all these years later, this woman claiming to be my wife is the single most important person in my life and a cause for daily celebration. If I’m being duped, I’m cool with it. She’s that good.
In 2010, my wife peed on a stick.
Not like a small piece of wood found beneath a tree (though she may have done that, too; I can’t rule it out), but rather some plastic fortune-telling contraption with an unenigmatic portrayal of a plus sign. The fortune it foretold has indeed cost me a fortune, but I consider myself fortunate. Presuming, of course, this isn’t just another step in a long con.
Which it might very well be.
Think about it: this kid has personality, creativity, and cunning. All those are traits he could have just as easily gained from his “mother” (she has all three in ample supply). As for Korban’s resemblance to me—well, that could all be a part of the plan. I mean, what does one need to be, say, a master of disguise? Well now, off the top of my head, I’d say perhaps a deft personality, some creative juices, and—I dunno—maybe a bit of cunning?
How’s that for evidence?!
Whoever is behind this grand conspiracy, I suspect they’re on to my suspicions. The evidence, I think, is Jade. My child is beautiful, sure, and sharp as a whip. When we pray together at bedtime, I ask God to “help her to know she’s loved, beautiful, brilliant, and capable,” and the divine touch is unambiguous. This kid is awesome and knows it.
It’s that latter part that’s the tell. They tried to adjust her to better align to my personality. Jade is mischievous, and has been demonstrating an artistic talent for sarcasm since around three years old. Trolling the sibling is a constant delight, and in the most subtle, clever ways. This, I think, is supposed to set my mind at ease. Make me think this truly from my heritage.
But they missed the mark. Spunky though this child may be, Jade shows compassion and love WAY more than I’ve ever been capable of. To the degree that it could only have come from Sarah. My working theory? Genetic modification.
I can’t go into the details.
It’s all inconclusive, I admit. Which just makes it all the more suspicious, if you really think about it. And I have.
There are other factors at work here. Godchildren, close friends, and companions we’ve accumulated over the 15 years or more. If the “family” I have is actually some hoax, I’ve yet to identify the positions of these other individuals. Are they in on the scam? Or are they fellow victims of the same ruse?
The jury’s still out on this. In the meantime, I’m going to play along. I’m having a blast, after all.
They’re kinda great.
All jokes aside, I’m a firm believer in chosen family.
I’ve been fortunate to have a loving wife and amazing children, but I’ve also had the rare privilege of having friends that have fully crossed over into being family. Some hold that blood is thicker than water, but I would readily spill my own blood for these people. I say that counts.
Without Sarah in my life, I wouldn’t be half the person I am today.
Without these people in my life, I would be even less.
From navigating life’s challenges with laughter and support, to rolling dice and telling stories in tabletop games, my chosen family bring a joy to my life that cannot be replaced.